I am so glad I am alive.
That I have a razor sharp brain capable of presenting the most complex of problems in the most lucid of sentences.
That I can differentiate between adagio and allegro and tell a haiku apart from a tanka and a quark from a boson.
That I can speak in three languages fluently and understand six.
That I can walk away from a fight that I need not fight but stay put when I need be.
That I can hold a conversation on any topic they throw at me and hold a thought without it consuming me.
That I can handle rejection without an iota of bitterness.
That I am loved to death by my three girls regardless of how I look or feel or behave. Unconditionally they have my back everyday day after day. I’d be half the man I am if a kid didn’t come and hug me at 4 am in the night and hold on tight all night.
That I can earn however much I want to and never see or know scarcity.
That I’ve earned the respect of people and the love of few wherever I’ve been sheerly on merit.
That at any moment in 24 hours if I am lonely I’ve a hotline to a few wonderful people who bring out the best in me or take the worst in me without holding it against me
That when we are sitting in a room in a meeting or an informal gathering and once I get in a few words, subconsciously people start directing their conversations to me.
That I’ve the heart to apologize and the guts to be stupid and reckless. The power to be wrong and the chutzpah to never spin a defeat into a victory or a losing argument into a winning one.
That I laugh loudly and clearly and make others joyous.
That I can live and travel alone. That I can soak in everything without longing or disgust.
That all the diseases I have are written largely on my face, otherwise blessing me with immaculate health.
That loved ones forgive and live with my inadequacies and sometimes even love me for that. That I am immaculately honest.
That I got a tough hand when the game started and defeat and unhappiness and lots of crying but I turned around a mediocre hand into a winning one with sheer force of will.
That I can write something pompous and self indulgent like this and yet be assured that someone somewhere will read it. That there will always be a reader. That I am patient. Like an elephant. Like land itself.
I am so glad that I am alive. There’s the din of the ac my breath this screen but I am nowhere to be found. There’s no searching or wondering or regretting or hoping or wanting. There’s nothing I am going to get that I don’t have today. There’s no other woman I am going to sleep with and no heart I am going to break. There’s no pot at the end of the rainbow because there’s no rainbow there’s just darkness all around and a tiny shiny green light. Watching over me. That will see me through this lifetime with kindness and gratitude.
I am so glad I am alive. I am so glad I can say so.