I met someone who has passed the point of no return today. An irredeemably ruined life – one without any hope. I met a mother who with tears streaming down her eyes stated the obvious – at a level, there’s nothing at all you can do to really help a person, however good your intentions. You can just sit and watch from the passenger seat while the car hurtles down at the speed of 100 in front of the incoming traffic.
I came face to face with mental illness and I didn’t like what I see. Somehow I have always harbored this belief that medicines for depression, panic etc can easily be avoided if you will yourself. Not will yourself to be happy, but will yourself to just get on with it without making a fuss about it. We all have those days but the best of us neither think nor act their worst moods out nor write about it, some of us act it out in front of loved ones spoiling their day, some of us write about it and at a later date it feels awful to read. But some people are literally helpless against our own minds. And I am trying to separate the person from their minds. It’s so easy to say xyz has fever or diabetes but to say xyz has a mental illness without saying she IS mentally ill, is so difficult for me. My mind always goes, but why can’t you solve what is bothering you and she says but I am what is bothering me. And then I think of those 2 or 3 same weaknesses which I live with and wonder what if I was only those weaknesses and nothing more? How awful would it be?
“You can’t help me. No one can help me. No one is willing to even try. Even my friends are afraid of me.”
The meeting also brought to me with the deceptive nature of social media. If you look at the social media of this person, it’s all happiness. Everyday a lot of smiling pictures with a lot of different happy people. Travelling the country, unlocking achievement after achievement. Literally one of the most beautiful woman in town. Social media influencer. Much sought out. But broken. Beyond redemption. (Incidentally once I talked about this topic with another supremely beautiful woman comparing their entering adulthood but the words came out all wrong and I got a dressing down and a silent treatment i shall probably remember for ages and ages).
I’ve yet to come across such a massive contradiction between a person’s real vs virtual life but it serves to remind me that nothing and no one can be as good as they seem to be or pretend to be.
But then I’ve never come across such squandering of riches in my life. People spend away their money recklessly. Who spends away their entire self?