I am often amazed as to how little it takes to make a human helpless. One day you are roaming around as if you rule the world blissfully unaware that tomorrow someone is going to ask you to use a bed pan and someone will sponge you and what not. One of my recurring fears is helplessness, not in the mental sort of way, a man who reads prodigiously and a man who harbors a secret all his life scoffs at mental helplessness and loneliness. I am talking about actual physical helplessness. Someone helping you pee and someone helping you shit and someone bathing you and someone helping you get up and that sort of shit. It’s a recurring nightmare for me. I have particular revulsion to the two words urine and stool, because I haven’t ever heard them being used outside of medicine. So if these two words figure in your life in any way whatsoever, urine-stool, urine-stool, urine-stool, if they are being discussed in any way whatsoever – you have my sympathy – and if they are FOR you – welcome to my nightmare, hope you have a good time. Even a temporary helplessness is a reminder, a painful realization of what’s not only possible, but what’s inevitable. Why then pledge rationality, why not indulge, why not be an incorrigible irredeemable fool at every opportunity that arises in life?

There’s no second option to this. It is inevitable that there comes a day when you suddenly catch a glance of mortality in the eyes of your parents. And for once, your gaze pierces the filter through which you see them everyday without actually noticing them, and you notice the wrinkles. They are most prominent near the jaws, like an oversized pillow cover because the cotton inside the pillow has shrunk. Not foam like today’s readymade pillows. Actual cotton which a weaver stuffed inside the pillow first turning it inside out to stitch it and then stuff white cotton with some black threads inside and she will go bhaiyya theek se bhar na dekho kahin jagah na chhoot jaaye. There are specific words in your language for people who are in this profession of stuffing pillows and mattresses just like there’s a raddiwala and a bartanwala and a nariyalwala and a barfgolawala but there are no words for them in this language which means when the world will shift to this language all of them will die not only in real life but in memory it will be as if they never existed but thousands of entire species die everyday what’s a gaddewala or a raddiwala?

But can you stuff new cotton to get those wrinkles disappear? A dermal filler not against age but mortality itself?

Can you use some botox in the eyes?

 

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